to listen to the instructions
for the next task.
There is so much more around these feelings –
calling me forward,
to move forward,
to move with confidence,
All that is done,
All that is known,
only seen one frame at a time,
Circles of light just big enough to contain me
Until I see the next circle of light ahead;
of what is yet
- Sabrina Reynolds
- May 11, 2011
It is interesting to me now that I wrote this as a journal entry two days before my mom died. I remember sitting at the snack bar, laptop open, checking email, paying bills and reeling from Mother's Day weekend. My husband, George, was in Scotland on a business trip. The stress and exhaustion from a week of finals had overtaken me and I began to cry. Those tears drove me to write the lines of this poem. Sometimes it is hard to see where I am going even though God has given me very clear instructions. I remember thinking that all I had to do was follow the process. God had already made all the decisions. I just needed to remain faithful.
I hardly remember that week. It was such a blur. I was running on fumes. The only thing I had in the tank was the reoccurring thought that I needed to stop. So, Thursday night of "that" week, I took one last test - a 3 hour Astronomy humdinger - I returned home to my girls after using the last little bit of energy I had to stop at the grocery store. The girls met me at the door and shooed me on to bed after reminding me that I looked as exhausted as I felt. I climbed into bed, laptop in tow - I still had a research paper to write. In my exhausted state, I found it hard to focus. I began to think about blowing off the paper – Did I have enough points to take the hit and not do the paper? I simply couldn’t do one more thing.
I put the laptop aside, snuggled my wilted body down into the covers on George's side of the bed and went to sleep thinking that I would get up the next morning and write the paper.